The government’s briefing teams were at it again last week, leaking policy changes to the papers before bothering to tell parliament. This time it was to declare the ‘end of 24-hour binge Britain’, exclusively told to the Daily Telegraph and Mail.

There is no doubt the Labour government made serious errors when it passed the Licensing Act 2003, which came into force in 2005, but it appears the new coalition has little desire, or enthusiasm, to actually clear the mess up properly, instead aiming to get a few favourable headlines in the Tory press. ‘There’s a bone of the new Labour government,’ the ConDems exclaim, ‘now go and chew on it, knowing their pliable sops in the press are too hungry for space filling to notice how little flesh remains on the bone.

Home Secretary Theresa May is to consult on the licensing law, theoretically offering councils’ greater powers to limit alcohol disorder and she is to hold a series of road shows across the country in the hope of hearing the voice of the people. Rather than having to licence establishments individually, the government wants to give powers to limit licensed premises in particular hotspots. Two observations should be made at this point: firstly, when it comes to such suggestions, I am suffering an overwhelming feeling of déjà-vu; secondly, a government yet again fails to see where the true alcohol problems lie, in cut price booze from supermarkets and the vertical drinking establishments with their pack ‘em in and sell it cheap mentality.

What is really frustrating when it comes to licensing, is the discussion seems to be government by accepted wisdoms which are in fact, complete and utter bullshit, unmitigated misinformation from beginning to end. So, let’s establish immediately, there are practically no establishments which have licenses which permit them to operate for 24 hours. For several years I worked in the West End of London, covering areas including Soho and Covent Garden, without doubt the busiest licensing area in the country, possibly Europe. In that time, there was only one venue with a 24-hour licence and that was Heaven, underneath The Arches between Charing Cross and Embankment. There were no others.

While Heaven could have stayed open morning, noon and night if it had wanted, there would have been no point as there are few punters with such stamina or money, even those pumped full of MDMA. While it is true some more might have been handed out since I was last there, it will be no more than a handful. And establishments with long hours are either night-clubs or want a bit of flexibility within their licence to cater for special occasions, without having to go through the rigmarole of applying for a one off permission.

Now having established the myth of 24-hour drinking, it must be recognised that in most respects, the law has been a complete and utter failure. The purpose of Labour’s Licensing Law was to stagger closing times to try and make it easier for the police to cope with the drunk hordes pouring out of pubs at 11.20pm and clubs later at night; it was to try and encourage a more continental style of drinking, to prise Britons away from their tendency to drink excessive numbers of pints and instead turn to the pleasure of wine with a plate of food. What licensing officials in councils across the land failed to notice is continental-style drinking requires continental-style drinking establishments. A café culture is not going to become a reality when all that is on offer is Yates’s Wine Lodge and rackety nightclub.
The wrong places were given licenses. It took years for pubs in the West End to get extended licences.

The perfect pub

Let's take the case of the Coach and Horses, the Greek Street pub then run by the delightfully irascible Norman Balon. They continued to close at 11.20 every night because Westminster Council would not allow an extension until midnight, on the grounds it could disrupt the sleep of nearby residents. On the face of it a reasonable argument, except that dozens of nearby clubs had received extensions often until 3 or 4 in the morning. The Coach and Horses is one of those lovely places that doesn't play music, allowing conversation to fill its rooms, and is surrounded by West End theatres. Those punters, however, couldn't get a drink at the Coach after a show, but they could have gone to any number nightclubs; not exactly the sort of place you can take your gran having seen Cats.

Now, the Daily Telegraph claimed last week that ‘Ministers want licensing authorities to have greater flexibility over the control of opening hours to meet the concerns of local people’. But this, to a large extent already exists; they are called Stress Areas. It allows councils to reject whole swathes of applications for new premises on the basis that an area is already saturated. Soho and the West End was one such Stress Area. It didn’t result in a reduction in the number of licensing premises, mainly because Westminster Council had no desire to see the numbers of pubs, clubs and restaurants shrinking. Every day, millions of people come into the West End; the economy of Westminster alone is bigger than the economy of the whole of Wales. It doesn’t, of course, only rely upon the licensing trade but it is undoubtedly a huge magnet, bringing billions of pounds into the local economy. The last thing Westminster Council, or indeed any council, wants to do is discourage this profitable migration.

So instead of fishing for complements, what should the government do?

Well, supermarkets continue to sell alcohol as loss-leaders, with successive governments too cowardly to confront such a powerful body. Legislating against such trade should surely be a priority. When doctors appear in the media espousing a minimum price for a unit of alcohol, it would in fact leave pubs relatively unaffected, such is the cost of a pint already, but it would hit supermarkets.

The design of pubs and bars, while not something which can easily be legislated, could have licensing implications. There is a well-conceived recipe which encourages heavy drinking. I know I sound like a fuddy-duddy, and those who know me would probably agree, bear with me. Many large West End venues remove tables and seats, provide insufficient numbers of stools, strip any soft furnishings and replace with hard wood, play loud music and serve fast, high-salt food, while selling easy-to-drink alcohol, often at discounted prices.

The combination is very powerful. The hard surfaces, the lack of chairs, the loud music make it necessary for raised voices, drying the throat and salty food makes people more thirsty for the cheap alcohol on offer. And yes, I do disapprove of bottled lager, chilled to such an extent it tastes of nothing, and the fruity alcopops which are so obviously designed to conceal their alcohol content.

Finally, as breweries have got bigger, their contact with individual pubs has become more distant. There are few establishments these days run by landlords, whose livelihood relies upon maintaining a good reputation and their licence. Instead, chains rely increasingly on managers who can be shipped out and replaced the moment there are signs of trouble, with complainants assuaged by promises of better future conduct. To put it simply, there are not enough Norman Balons around.